Jealousy

Jealousy is absolutely the worst human emotion.

Creates that sick feeling.

Makes one homicidal.

To Judge ones outsides by my insides is uncomfortable.

Need to seek to be closer.

Before it’s over.  It’s Loves closer.

Sometimes I’m almost happy it exists.

It’s easier to put up walls, easier to cut people off, easier to not care, easier to act out, easier to justify shady actions, easier to hurt people I love.

But it makes me physically ill.  Nauseous, irritable, angry.

Brings up hatred.  Causes me to ask unnecessary questions.

Questions Love, questions trust, questions sincerity.

Squashes unrealistic dreams.  Adds clarity to relationships.

Determines what is really important.  Decides where im at spiritually. Mentally. Emotionally.

It really does lift curtains and put me in perspective.  And that clarity is brutal.

Shows how far I have left to go, to grow.

A long way.  An impossible trek.  A steep climb. 

Fucking unattainable

How sick can one really be? How come I get so ill?  Why can I not stop basing things off past experiences?

Why can I not just create?  I have destroyed plenty.  Why can I not just Love?  I have hated and feared my whole life. 

I really believe that suffering is reserved for earth.

Soon enough jealousy will be non-existent.  Until I choose to experience it again.

Fake, superficial, phony, pointless, greedy, ugly ugly emotion!!

What’s next?

It seems like that’s always the question. 

Do I be rid of the things that bring it about?  Do I make changes?

Or do it sit in it?  Do I grow in it?  Do I wait?

Wait for the process to carry itself out yet again.

So long.  Im so impatient.  So uncomfortable.  I can’t handle pain.  So touchy.  I’m so sensitive. 

Wow!  I can whine.  I can cry.  Im good at it.

Simply frustrated.  Just venting.

It’s good for the soul to do so.

I just love too much.

I cannot hate for long.

I trust everyone.

So don’t’ lie to me, please, im begging you.

My heart is here for all to share.

Please leave it intact. 

Love it like I love you.

Treat It like it’s your own.

It’s sacred.  It’s Gods gift.

Don’t rewrite the verse for it is the song that defines me.